When Will It Stop Hurting?
by Ephemeral Sonata
Summary: A small introspection on Kurt and his inner thoughts. Post "Duets"


Three classmates in my Spanish 2600 course got me hooked on Glee, and being of a similar orientation as Kurt really has me doing introspections on him and all that jazz. Kind of an internal monologue about a lot of the people around him and things going on in his life. I hope it's good. If it is, review please! If not? Blame this on them. And remember, all characters used do not belong to me. There is no money being made off of this fictional piece and it was written purely for enjoyment.

...

It was enough to drive one insane. Being the only openly gay kid in your high school is practically suicide. It doesn't help that I'm every goddamned stereotype in the book. I'm a fashionista, I can cook exquisitely, I sing like a castrato, I speak French, I'm a cheerleader, I have a sassy black fag-hag, and I'm in the Glee club. The only part of me that doesn't fit with the flaming gay persona is the fact that I can fix a car. Blame that one on my father.

Dad. He says he's cool with me being gay, but there are still times I think I'm a disappointment to him. It's very noticeable when he starts talking to Finn animatedly about sports. I'm glad he and Carole hit it off. Really, I want him to be happy, especially after his heart attack. Still, I can't say it doesn't hurt when he gets so excited to talk to Finn about something that I know he can't really enjoy talking about with me.

Oh, Finn. My first crush. I insist it's a crush because it'll _never _happen. Ever. He loves Rachel, and is glaringly, obviously straight. Part of me wants to think it hurts because he loves my greatest rival. I mean, we get along every so often, and the duet we sang was a lot of fun, and she _can_ be sweet, and... Oh god, stop me before I talk myself into liking her. In all actuality, I know it hurts because it's rejection at its basest form. He was always kind to me, letting me remove the more expensive pieces of clothing before getting slushied or tossed in the dumpster. He never really treated me poorly. Until he said the "f" word. No, not that one. The unforgivable one. You know...F-A-G. Our "brotherly" relationship is kind of non-existent because we both feel to awkward to speak about it and move on. Well, I do anyway. He has no issue with bringing it up, and I just really want him to drop it and we'll move on.

Ugh, it's enough to make your head spin. Thank god for Mercedes. She's always there for me when I need her. She was right there for me, along with the rest of New Directions, when Dad had his arrhythmia. I wasn't entirely comfortable in that church, but the fact that all of those people dropped whatever they were worried about to sing and pray for my father felt nice, even if I'll never feel the same way about God as they do. If I didn't have Mercedes, I'd probably explode. She's an awesome pressure release valve. Wait, I'm using vehicular technical terms. Stop it.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right! Mercedes. I tell her everything. She listens, tells me when I'm being stupid, and tries to get me on the right way again. She really helped me cope with the Finn situation. We even were Cheerios together for a little while.

Oh, speaking of the Cheerios, there's a reason why I used the term "openly gay" instead of homosexual. Brittany and Santana. Good grief, these two are totally bi for each other, if not total lipstick lesbians. They try not to mention it at school, though Brittany did make the comment that if sex was the equivalent of dating, then she and Santana were together. They seem to cope with any possible issues, though. Better at it than I am, for sure.

While I'm on the topic of Cheerios, there's Quinn. Head bitch, bitch. She can be, read: is, overbearing, stuck up, snobbish, man-stealing whory slut. But that's just a personal opinion. She can also be incredibly kind, though that was probably just the baby hormones. Then, she and Sam sang a duet, and lord it was amazing. But...

Sam...I'd had serious hopes about him. Bleached blonde, charming smile, wanted to sing in Glee club, was sexier than sin. I may not have been actively trying to hit on him in the showers, but damn does he have an ass. I was seriously hoping that I wasn't going to be the only gay guy in the school anymore. Even if he was bisexual, it was a step up from being the sole freak in that regard. Then he and Quinn sang together, and it was clear that she liked him, and he definitely like her. Pay no attention to the fact she already had Puck, had already had Finn, and now she had Sam?

I'll always adore Finn, and chances are I'll always adore Sam, too. But having the two men that I've fallen for already interested in someone else. Girls, as a matter of fact. It hurts. And I have to wonder...when will it stop hurting?

...

I hope this is as good as I think it is...obviously only you guys can tell me, so please do. Constructive criticism is more than welcomed. Flames will be used as bonfire fodder, and I've noticed that marshmallows taste better over the fires from irritable fans.


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